How I end up this way………..how my life
turns out like this, at first, I honestly do not have any idea.
Even though sometimes I notice that something is missing in me and it feels like I am not myself I pretended
not to care.
I pretended to the people around
me, to the man I love and even to myself.
I did my best to ignore these
troubles in me because I did not want to spoil my happiness.
Happiness …………the sole thing I
want to experience……….the only thing I selfishly desire.
I have loved myself too much and so I became
blind when it comes to other people’s heart.
I followed the beat of my heart
not knowing the pain I have to go through.
I know that it’s the price I have
to pay.
But, I do not have regrets in my
heart because now I am living with a smile on my face.
If something like this will
happen again I would gladly welcome it with a big heart.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And this is my love story…………….
After two months
in comatose state I finally woke up.
I
can hardly breathe because I am surrounded with many people who seemed to
really care for
me.
A
lot of people love me so dearly.
Everybody
was there……except for one………except……..for………him.
I lived in
Canada for 5 years time and decided to go back to my hometown in Laguna.
While
on plane, I was talking to the girl beside me when the pilot announced that
there will be
an
emergency landing.
Next
thing I remembered was waking up from a very deep sleep with the memories of
the
happy
life I have with my family and all of my sweet memoirs with my man.
They
asked me about the picture that I held with my bloody hands during the
accident.
I
was not sure myself if I forgot to tell them about him or I really hide it on
purpose.
I
am 28 years of age now so they already understood if I didn’t told them about
him being my
boyfriend
for two years.
Then
suddenly, I remembered that the main reason why I went back without telling my
family
beforehand
was because I have to go to him.
He
needs me so badly.
Two
months had passed and I wasn't able to be with him.
I
wasn’t able to comfort him because I got involved in an accident too.
Yeah….
too…. because he also got involved into an accident a week before mine.
He
told me that he had to go back to the Philippines to check the house he bought
for us in
Batangas.
On his way to
Batangas, a truck hit the taxi where he was riding.
He
almost got killed… almost…. thanks to the people who quickly call for help.
He’s
fine now.
I knew it because
the family who lives beside the house he bought told me so.
But,
he doesn’t know himself.
He
forgot that he is an orphan that’s why no one can help him and stay beside him
forever
except
for me.
But, I will surely make him recall.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
When I saw him
sitting on the bench outside the hospital building my heart fluctuate so much.
I
realized I really missed him.
When
I showed myself to him, he didn’t even react.
It
seemed like I was really nothing to him.
It
hurt so much…. But I still stayed with him.
I
was there all the time.
I
brought him fresh flowers every morning.
I
always eat with him even though there were times when he really hates to see
me.
He
told me he was bored of always seeing my face but I endured it because he
hasn't recovered
yet.
Sometimes
he shouts at me saying how sick he is to the stories…..to our love stories that
I kept
on
telling him.
It
hurt so much but I kept it to myself because I want to be strong for him.
I
heard a lot of rejections from him but I didn’t stop being close to him because
I loved him so
much.
Love….
I was totally in love with him.
I
really do… I saw it clearly in my memories with him.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Then after few
months he became good to me.
He
got discharged from the hospital and we moved in to our house.
Yeah,
we started going out again and our love become even stronger than before.
He
wasn't able to recover clearly his memories so I continued telling him about
himself and us.
Although
there were times that it felt like I really don’t know our past at all, I tried
to fill out
those
spaces in the past by making new memories with him.
At
times it felt like I am not really familiar with the memories in my head but I
just ignored it.
There
were moments when it felt like I’m not myself because sometimes I do not know
and
understand
some things that I told him.
I
was confused…. but, I took it for granted.
Why?
I
was so happy with him and I thought that was enough.
We
were always together yet we always miss each other.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Then he proposed
to me.
We talked about
wedding preparations.
We talked about
our future.
We talked about
kids.
A week before
our wedding something happened that turned my life upside down.
I didn't expect
that a simple gas explosion in our house would change everything.
The sound….. the
smoke….even my shaking voice.
It was totally the same like before.
It brought back
the past that my subconscious hide.
I remembered how
I almost died and it felt like dying once more.
Now, that I know
everything.
Now, that I know
the truth.
I finally knew what really confused me.
And that is me
myself.
Me, being with
that man
Me, falling for
a man that I only knew on the day when I had an accident on the plane
Me, telling him
our memories which I really know nothing about
The truth is
that….
All those
memories with him were not mine.
It was of the
girl sitting beside me who told me about their love story.
I didn’t know I was really hooked in her story
that I even thought it was mine.
Pathetic…..crazy……desperate
That’s
who I am.
What
a shame!!!
My
subconscious mind hides the whole story and led me to make believe things.
So, I thought of
running away from him.
I
wanted to hide.
I
realized how fool I am for stealing someone else' memories.
I
am a memory thief.
Then,
I disappeared leaving the truth in a letter.
______________________________________________________________________________
Five months
later… (present)
Now,
I am a loving wife of the only man I loved.
How?
Two
months earlier I saw him right in front of my door kneeling like a fool.
For
more than half an hour we stared at each other without saying a word.
He
stood up and kissed me and I was just stoned there.
He
said, “Let’s get married as soon as possible” and smiled at me.
All
I could was, “Sorry”.
I
cried like I've never cried before.
He
hugged me and said, “I am the one who should say sorry here because honestly I
knew that
you
weren't her the first day I saw you.
Though I can’t remember everything I was sure you were not her because I saw it on the news.
She was dead.
I tried to push you away but I ended up falling so deeply in love with you.
What can I do?
I’m so in love with you that I was so afraid you’d left me if you know the truth.
You can hit me but please promise to marry me….
Though I can’t remember everything I was sure you were not her because I saw it on the news.
She was dead.
I tried to push you away but I ended up falling so deeply in love with you.
What can I do?
I’m so in love with you that I was so afraid you’d left me if you know the truth.
You can hit me but please promise to marry me….
I love you. “
